perspective

time goes by.

perspective changes.

my last blog post was more of a desperate wishing attempt at success. at least that’s how you should read it.

or the ramblings of a lonely artist in Montreal.

I don’t want to be a concertmaster. Yet.

I need time. I need experience. I need practice.

Someday, I am confident that I will “make” it as a concertmaster. But not yet. Not now.

 

These things all take time. I need more time.

Edmonton may not even really be a reality for me. The longer I play seriously, and the more I hear from fellow musicians, the more I realize that this is not a rushing game.

It’s a slow game.

Not for the weak of heart. Not for the impatient.

It’s for those who will persist through whatever hits them and keep going.

 

Here’s a great quote by Calvin Coolidge that I heard from Montreal Symphony concertmaster Richard Roberts. I had the privilege of taking several lessons from him last year…

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘press on’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race” Calvin Coolidge

snow fly

snow has blanketed the ground here in Montreal.

I was sort of hoping that it wouldn’t fall until we had escaped and begun the journey out west.

Unfortunately, wishes don’t always come true.

…

Last night, the Goddess Divine and I watched a film called Dreamer, with Dakota Fanning and Kurt Russell. It is based on a true story.

If you haven’t watched it, it’s a great inspirational film about dreaming for the impossible, letting your ambition run wild, and then actually having it all come true.

It made me feel hopeful, and feel as though anything were possible.

…

Sometimes that feeling is a good thing. Sometimes it only leads to more disappointment.

Hollywood wouldn’t sell inspirational films that ended badly. They pick the “based on a true story” scripts – based on their calculated prediction of what will sell and make them the most money.

It’s how business works.

…

But dreams can sometimes supersede cold calculation. Sometimes the dreamer can push past the snobby, crusty “Pharisees” of old organizations.

…

I dream of being a concertmaster. But is it only a dream – or is it something that could ever come true? If I were stuck in a concertmaster position, would I flop or fly? The thing is – 99% of orchestras don’t want to take the chance with someone who hasn’t gone to a reputable school. Like I said in an earlier post – they don’t give a rip about dinky dreams. They know that eventually I’ll land a job with an orchestra or find another job in order to make a living.

They would rather put their chances on someone who has a respectable degree from a respectable school like Juilliard or Curtis. Someone who has a proven track record.

Not me.

…

Do I blame them? No.

Chances are hard to take when it means money is on the line.

…

But I believe strongly in giving a chance to someone who could really use a chance. If you let someone jump into the deep end – they’ll either sink or swim.

And I need a chance if I’m going to make it in the orchestra world. I don’t have the time or money to go back to school.

Sure, it’d be nice to go to Juilliard or Curtis. But I’m 25.

I’d rather learn by experience now. Get kicked around the block a few times in the real world. Figure out how to do it the hard way.

…

sometimes the snow flies before you’re ready for it.

i believe in the impossible??

it’s been a long time since my last blog post.

maybe you thought that I really did fall asleep permanently at the end of my last little blurb about my life inside the practice room.

i didn’t.

(duh)

i probably was slightly depressed. but that’s part of life.

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sometimes i just get overwhelmed completely by the sheer retardedness of what i am trying to do.

.

“what is that?” you ask.

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only trying to win a permanent tenure track position in a major Canadian orchestra.

with very little experience.

no music school.

and only having picked up the instrument again seriously a little over a year ago.

the odds are similar to trying to win a position in the NHL or NBA.

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then you consider the fact that there are quite a good number of phenomenally experienced and talented orchestral violinists out there who are looking for jobs as well.

juilliard grads…curtis grads…rice grads…not to mention mcGill grads…colburn grads…

there are kids out there who can play circles around me. and the music industry is known for being hard-nosed.

they don’t care about dinky little dreams.

they want to see results.

in the grand scheme of things, i’m a little peanut on the prairies.

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that’s why i put two question marks after my title “i believe in the impossible.”

because sometimes it is a question for me.

“do I still really believe in this?”

“is this stupidity? is this possible?”

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I have to ask those questions.

I have a family. A beautiful wife. A beautiful baby girl.

They’ve got to eat; not to mention me. Families are not fed on dreams.

Dreams are not just born of well wishing and prayers.

They cost thousands upon thousands of dollars, thousands of hours of time, and take years of trying.

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I may not be ready in time to win the Edmonton position. A year may not be long enough to get me to the level of a professional symphony musician. But I have stopped looking at Edmonton as the end of the road. I may have to get another job in the mean time to make ends meet. I may have to get up at 5 AM before going to work another job for a while to keep practicing.

The road doesn’t end at Edmonton.  I would like it to, of course. I would love to win the position.

But the impossible doesn’t always happen right away. It takes a little blood on the fingerboard.

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I believe that with a dream to become a great musician overarching the daily grind of practice, learning to trust, let go, and stop worrying about things that are not mine to worry about; I will become that.

It’s no longer just a dream that gets my heart beating with excitement.

It’s a dream that is being tested by time, by opposition, by hardship.

And I have to ask myself…do I still believe in the impossible?

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Yes.

Yes, I do.

in the trenches

the last few weeks of silence on this blog have been due to the fact that I am spending most of my time in the practice room.

the time that I am not in the practice room is spent with the Goddess Divine and the adorable baby girl.

I have probably been spending almost too much time in the PR since at night when I try to sleep, all I can think of is how to better perfect this passage or that passage.

the fingering in Don Juan.

the bow stroke in Schumann’s Scherzo from his 2nd symphony.

the opening bars of Prokofiev’s Classical Symphony.

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mental practicing.

it keeps me up at least until midnight. it wakes me up as early as five.

it means I’m too tired.

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today I am sitting down to let all the mental stress and over-fatigue drain out of my head like water from a balloon. it slips down across my shoulders, and onto the floor.

i am down in the Florida Keys, sitting on a private beach.

Quiet. Warm.

But mostly quiet.

No incessant scales and excerpts.

No impending Edmonton audition.

Nothing.

i imagine i am in the Swiss Alps.

i imagine i am alone on the Alberta prairies.

i imagine i am on a cliff, overlooking the Pacific Ocean. it’s the coast of B.C.

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i sleep.

wednesday

yes, it is wednesday.

that middle day.

although I’m rather disappointed with how my week has gone so far, I am choosing to be exhilarated about the rest of the week.

You always have two roads to go down when you’ve had a poor start to your week.

Further Down.

Or back Up.

It’s one of those little choices that makes long-term results.

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I choose Up.

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What about you?

the realization of dreams

A few weeks ago I posted a status update on Facebook saying that I didn’t believe in holding down a job – I believed in pursuing a passion.

I was somewhat disappointed to read some of the responses I received.

“You should be grateful you have that option.”

Don’t get me wrong. I am grateful. But I think that my status didn’t communicate what I really meant. The point is – I don’t view pursuing passion as an option, but rather as a way of life.

The reality is, that no matter where you live, no matter what race or what background you come from; you can dream to the sky, and you can make it happen. The distance between the starting point and the finishing point may be longer for some people, but it is always possible to move forward, always possible to achieve and accomplish what you dream of. We’ve seen that in headlines, and we’ve seen nothings become somethings over night. Rags to riches. Pauper to prince. It resonates deeply within us.

But very few people actually make their dreams reality. Instead, they become cynical, and scorn other people’s ambition and drive, if not openly, then to their friends, or to themselves. Or they forget. Or they just give up, and settle. Settle for what pays the bills, and settle for what makes things work for now. Vision wanes. Hope fades. They become another robot in the rat race.

Dreams have to be clear before they are acted upon. Kids have dreams that are often somewhat unrealistic, because they are not fully informed or educated as to what they want. Or perhaps something looks more glamorous than it really is.

Sometimes dreams take remodelling. Sometimes they need new life breathed into them.

Some dreams are life long dreams – others are short lived.

Some people write off the ability to dream and see life as beautiful as something that is not part of their personality. But that is a lie. Everyone dreams. Everyone hopes. Everyone wants to be successful; whether it’s as a mother, a father, a businessman, a marathon runner, a concert violinist, a hockey player, or as a Christian.

A lot of people look at the life we live and think we live in a fairy tale. Maybe we do. But I think 90% of the fairy tale is how we perceive our lives; how we enjoy our day to day.

Life is a circle of dreams; being born, maturing, and being fulfilled. Some dreams are more practically realized as goals for the day. Things you’ve got to get done.

Other dreams are perhaps a bit more hopeful. You want to get out and see that movie on the weekend with a friend, or you want to go on a nice picnic with the family. You want to make the best turkey dinner you’ve ever made yet. You want to finally sit down and learn how to paint. Or like for me – I want to play music professionally, and support my family off of it, because I love music and love playing the violin.

It doesn’t matter whether you think that you are a dreamer or not. It doesn’t matter whether you write beautiful poetry and play the guitar. It doesn’t matter that you don’t want to stand in front of an audience of 45,000 in Central Park and play the Tchaikovsky violin concerto with the New York Phil. It doesn’t matter if you never want to travel to Europe, soak on the beach in Hawaii, or learn another language.

But dreams do matter because dreams are all about how you perceive life; life as it passes through today from the past and onward into the future. It’s about how you perceive the hopes you have in your heart, and how you let them live, or how you abort them.

Those who have buried their desires to succeed and the ability to dream have died already. Their actions are nothing more than organic movements of biology; feeding, sleeping, working.

The years go by, and life still remains the same. Maybe you feel an innate sense of panic because you feel like you’ve missed out. Dreams have come and gone; the opportunities for a dream to live has come and gone. It’s too late for you.

But it’s never too late to jump start your dreams.

So when I say I don’t believe in “holding down a job,” I don’t necessarily mean just going to work 9-5. I mean that I don’t believe in forgetting your passion. I don’t believe in just doing something because you feel like you can’t do anything else. It may take you 5 years to get out of your day job and start doing what you would really love to do, but if you’re not doing anything about it today – even the smallest thing in that direction – then you’ve died. You’ve given up.

It starts with today. It starts with remembering why you wanted to do something, big or small, and realizing what you need to do to make it happen. It takes both reality and wild ambition at once.

It takes the time to make little dreams happen every day. Those little dreams connect together and make the bigger dreams become reality over time.

It takes the courage to act on today’s dream, and the faith to believe in tomorrow’s.

 

 

the bucket list

I thought it would be invigorating to write up a bucket list of things that I want to do in my life, before I proverbially “kick the bucket.”

Of course, we never know when we are going to pass on from this life, but we don’t know – so we make plans for tomorrow.

I know some of these may seem impossible – but where there’s a will, there’s a way…

Thomas Edison tried 1000 times before the light bulb worked successfully…

Age 25-35:

1. Grow as an individual in love, compassion, and wisdom
2. Take my family to live in Europe for several years
3. Play as a member of a professional symphony orchestra
4. Be a finalist in a major international violin competition
5. Solo with the top 10 ten orchestras
6. Sit as concertmaster of a major symphony orchestra
7. Release a CD and DVD of violin music
8. Compose a violin concerto and perform it
9. Form a group of top musicians to tour playing my original music and arrangements of hit songs, using multimedia, dance, and light art
10. Run a marathon
11. Complete an Iron Man Triathlon
12. Go back to New Zealand for at least 3 months
13. Visit the Middle East, Africa, and South America
14. Speak French and Mandarin fluently
15. Develop Spencerian penmanship
16. Eat some of the most amazing food in the world
17. Become a syndicated columnist

Age 35 – 45:

1. Build and develop a home and property with my family
2. Develop the skills to become a respected composer/orchestrator/arranger and conductor
3. Climb Mount Everest
4. Explore the Rocky Mountains more, hike and camp
5. Learn and master tennis as a recreational sport
6. Master the Italian and Spanish languages
7. Start a youth orchestra and choir dedicated to helping young adults learn about life, overcome problems, and become proficient on an instrument
8. Spend a year in China and Southeast Asia researching ethnic music and composing

Age 45-55:

1. Open the Ephphatha House; a place where people of any age or position in life can come to temporarily live, ask any question they have, and get help figuring life out
2. World tour with the youth orchestra and choir
3. Learn how to sail and sail around the world with family
4. Publish my book I Am Your Brother
5. Spend a year in France and Italy learning how to cook better
6. Conduct the New Year’s Eve concert in Vienna
7. Conduct at the BBC Proms

55+

1. Keep living life to the fullest taking advantage of every opportunity that comes across my path.
2. Learn 25 languages.
3. Write a 1000 page novel.
4. Run across Canada.
5. Learn how to fly
6. Go bungee jumping
7. Hang glide
8. Backpack across Europe, Asia, and Africa
9. Own a villa overlooking the Mediterranean
10. Drink Dr. Pepper at least once a week
11. NEVER GO TO BED BEFORE MIDNIGHT

keeping on…

the last few weeks have been pretty busy…

I flew to Halifax, Nova Scotia, where I spent three intensive days of study with Robert Uchida, the concertmaster of Symphony Nova Scotia.

That was a terrific three days, although very intense. We spent most of the time on scales with a drone (a C-drone with a C scale, etc), on Schradieck and Sevcik studies, and a bit on Kreutzer 2.

There was so much information that I gleaned from my time there, I felt as though I was going to burst when I finally collapsed into my seat on my flight back to Montreal.

.

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Getting home, I spent the next few days with my two younger siblings who had flown out from Alberta to spend some time with us; we drove a couple of hours to Ottawa and took in the sights of the capital, and then we drove to the Quebec Eastern Townships to pick apples and enjoy the beautiful scenery.

Then it was back to the violin again.

I started with four hours the first day, and then six hours the next – I am upping it to 8 hours a day consistently in order to make the most of this time. Sevcik, Schradieck, bow exercises for hours on end.

I am also spending an hour a day reviewing my theory and harmony to ensure that everything is really solid.

In addition, I am spending whatever time I can watching Medici.tv and the Berlin Digital Philharmonic, two orchestra websites that stream live and archived concerts from the Berlin Philharmonic, Verbier Festival, as well as a smorgasbord of other orchestras and ensembles. It’s a tremendous education.

Then it’s time to chill out on the couch with the Goddess Divine and enjoy tea with rice pudding, apple crisp, rhubarb pie or whatever other goodies she has conjured up  in the kitchen.

Nothing else is really on the horizon for a while – just settled down here in Montreal, practicing, taking lessons as I can, and practicing some more.

I have chosen to forego the Vancouver audition in order to focus on my technique intensively for a couple of months and give me a greater base to work from when I (hopefully) win the Edmonton audition.

Now I’m off for a walk to the park in the crisp September air with my two beautiful girls!

what in the world?

many people that I meet out of the classical realm have no clue about the world of classical music, or the world of the violin, more specifically.

many people assume that a violin costs between $500-1000, and maybe $2000 if it’s a really great.

some people have heard of Stradivarius violins, but only through a few media channels…and they have no idea how much they sell for today.

most people have no idea that you can actually make a good living as an orchestral musician, and that making music is really a FULL TIME JOB, and not just “playing” around.
(unlike the rest of the world who go to work for the money, hate their lives, and live for the weekends, a true musician is alive all the time, and enjoys what they do 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. (minus the times when they are feeling human). {The reason for that is because in order to be a pro musician, you really can’t take much holiday time – or else your fingers will begin forgetting and losing shape. It’s like being a pro athlete.}

So I thought I would post a few facts here about the world of classical music/violin for the interest of the general public!

1. Probably the most expensive musical instrument ever sold Aaron Rosand’s Guarneri del Gesu, the ex-Kochanski, and it sold to a Russian billionaire for about $10 million. A good professional violin typically is worth between $25-125,000, depending on what you can afford and what you’re looking for.
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2. A concert violinist like Hilary Hahn/Itzhak Perlman, etc, who travels around and appears a guest soloist with big name symphony orchestras (New York Phil, Berlin, London, Chicago) is paid approximately $40,000 USD for a solo concert appearance with orchestra. The fee may vary depending on how many concerts the artist is doing that weekend with the orchestra, etc.
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3. The highest paid concertmaster (the violinist who sits at the head of a symphony orchestras first violin section) as of 2010, is paid $578,436 per annum.
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4. One of the highest amounts ever paid for a bow was for a Tourte cello bow, sold for $202,000. Several of Isaac Stern’s bows were sold for between $37-44,000 USD. A good professional bow is typically anywhere between $3-20,000 depending on what you are looking for.
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5. If you want to play professionally – you can expect to work the equivalent of an 8-hour job, six days a week, for at least 5 years. In addition to 4-5 hours of practice, you should be studying music as an industry, as an art, and as history, as well as attending as many concerts as you can, masterclasses, summer festivals/camps, etc, etc.
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6. The average violin lesson price in an average city is between $40-60/hr CDN. The most I’ve ever paid is $100/hr, and that’s quite common with some of the bigger names and in the bigger cities. I’ve heard of some people paying $300/hr for a lesson in NYC.
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7. Most symphony orchestras are sunk. Ticket prices only cover approximately 20% of total operating costs; fund-raising and donations cover most of the remaining figure. In any business world, the symphony orchestra is worse than a nightmare. Music however, is alive and well, and it is one of my passions in life to break down the barriers between musical genres and create music programs that change and revitalize what is now the symphony orchestra world. (So get out and support your local symphony!)
   (Actually, I think if they just cut the violists from an orchestra, they would save a lot of money. (Kidding.)
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8. Statistics say there is a greater chance of becoming a professional NBA ball player than there is of becoming a concert violinist/pianist, etc.
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9. Musicians consistently rank in the highest scoring category of students who take the SAT/ACT tests. (Musicians that play at a pro level are smarter than everyone else, except violists……just kidding!!)
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10. A violin maker is called a luthier, and there are luthier schools out there. It usually takes about 7 years or so to fully pick up the art.
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11. Most violinists really love pie and iced tea in the evening. (I just put that on here ’cause that’s what I’m eating/drinking right now)
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12. Although I don’t think it’s been proven, playing classical music professionally can keep diseases like Alzheimers and Parkinson’s at bay for a long time.
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13. Getting your bow re-haired costs between $60-80 (for a good job.)
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14. A set of good strings for your violin can set you back between $40-100. My last set cost me $80. I currently have Pirazzi’s on my violin, but they came with the violin, and I just bought it recently…
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Ok, now I have to go to bed, so…I hope you enjoyed that!!

practicing 101

practicing is the real life of a musician.

sure, they get on a high and perform every so often.

if you’re professional, performing might not be your greatest high – for some it’s their low.

(but that’s only if you’re a loser who has let life get the better of you. there’s nothing worse than seeing a professional musician who’s obviously bored with their job.)

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I have been doing a lot of practicing recently.

I have learned a lot about practicing over the last few months, and thought I’d share what I’ve learned:

….

1. Decide before you pick up your instrument what you would like to accomplish in that practice session. Be realistic.

2. Go into a quiet room, shut the door, and eliminate all distractions (cell phone, Facebook, whatever.)

3. Ensure that your instrument is impeccably tuned. Take a few minutes to tune and listen to the sound in the room. Open your mind up to listen, and to think objectively. Keep it sharp and alert.

4. Always use a mirror. This will help keep you from developing poor posture habits, and will also help you watch where your bow is, which in turn will help you keep your tone clean.

5. Approach the music and select the section you will practice. Do not just aimlessly open your music and start fooling around. Choose a specific section that you feel you can perfect within the amount of time you have. It doesn’t matter if it’s only 3 or 4 notes. Start small – build up.

6. Begin with the first note, and slowly work through your passage. Fast is overrated. Let me say that again.

Fast is overrated. Slow is underrated.

7. As you work through the passage, keep in mind three things of utmost importance.

intonation: listen to each note with open ears, listen to it harmonically, listen to hear it ring. Do not move on before your note is in tune. If a note is out of tune when you hit it; stop, go back a few notes, and come at it again, slowly. Find a speed where you can hit it accurately several times in a row before speeding up.

tone: as string players, tone is of utmost importance. How you are connecting with the string is very important. Everyone should do basic tone exercises as part of their warm-up, or as part of a piece they are working on in order to ensure that the tonal purity is at its best. As you practice your piece, listen for any little bumps, jerks, scratches, whispers, rasps…etc. Identify the root cause of your sound interruption; is your arm jerking? Is your elbow too high? Is your shoulder up? The sound should be silken.

rhythm: rhythm is the structure and heartbeat of music. Within rhythm, many things are determined – bow speed, bow distribution, etc. Rhythm dictates the feel and direction of the music, and so it must be spot on. Use a metronome at first in order to make sure that you are playing everything as the composer intended. Work it through until it “sits” in your body comfortably. Your bow and the rhythm are very closely linked; it’s like a ball bouncing evenly off of the walls in time to a beat. Sometimes the ball has to travel faster in order to hit the opposite wall on time, sometimes slower. Make sure that you work out all the bowing issues so that rhythm isn’t jerking your arm around.

These are just a few basic things to think about as you are beginning practicing.

Other things that are important to think about and prepare for as you practice are questions of colouring – either with vibrato, or with your bow, a combination of the two, or none at all.
One thing Jonathan encouraged me to think about yesterday was how I thought about vibrato. It’s easy to “turn on” your vibrato, and leave it on. But that gets boring. Instead of pasting your one colour all over your entire “house” – think about what colours would look good in what “rooms.” What passages would sound better with a faster vibrato? A slower vibrato? Non-vibrato?

So there are some things to think about as you begin practicing!

And remember – don’t get distracted and leave your practice piece until you have completed what you set out to do!

Either you will run out of time to practice, you will reach your goal, or you will lose focus and change pieces. The last one is very dangerous and detrimental to your progress. Set small goals if you need to, and reach them. Remember, your brain is like a CD that’s being written; everything you do it records, and if you do wrong things on the instrument, you will be “recording” mistakes into your playing.

It’s an art: finding beautiful ways of expression within difficult boundaries.

Until next time…I’ll be practicing!!